I believe in:

Taking two strikes and hitting to right, a change-up thrown ahead in the count, calling for fly balls, a good right hand on top of the jab, the abolition of car alarms and speed bumps, strict interpretation of the 10-items or less checkout rule, the privacy of consenting adults, the presumption of innocence, throwing on first down, a pre-shot routine, flannel, dry rub, the power of the written word, down fabric, Southern hospitality, moderation, thank you notes, hydration, luck, the superiority of organically-grown produce, karma, the wisdom of Jack Burke’s observation that “the higher you go, the more your ass shows and the easier it is to kick,” bonuses, flossing, Gore-Tex, Red Smith’s aphorism that writing is easy (“all you have to do is open your veins and bleed”), good reception, Velcro, skinny dipping, early morning tee times, gratuitous sex (but not gratuitous violence), less is more – in most things, humor that doesn’t require a laugh track, fiber, feeding stray cats, nasal irrigation, weeding, making abuse of the suffix –wise on sports talk radio a criminal misdemeanor, pie, rooting for the underdog, raises, getting a good night’s sleep, meditation, the four-hour round, regular use of turn signals, truth being way stranger than fiction, Elgin sausage, seatbelts, the manual typewriter, foreplay, shopping locally, golfing globally, yoga, avoiding class reunions, hitting the cut-off man, Murphy’s law, taking the stairs, shortening pro and college sports seasons, Alt-Ctrl-Delete, local knowledge, sex before (during and after) marriage, reading the comics, civility, hard cover books, Shiner Bock, massage, sunscreen, looking out windows, crunch, reasonable doubt, keeping the paddle from hitting the side of the canoe, muting commercials, free elections, getting what I pay for, saunas, leaving the camp site better than I found it, gas-powered leaf blowers as a sign of the apocalypse, getting dressed, hot springs, male-patterned baldness, Title IX, cold showers, high top Chuck Taylors, free checking, omitting needless words, the layer theory of cold-weather dressing, turning down the thermostat, carbon dating, good olive oil, anonymous valentines, giving Phillies slugger Ryan Howard whatever he wants, the debilitating effects of stress, boxing out, my grandfather’s advice to shake hands and look ‘em in the eye, John Wooden having been right about many things but  wrong in blaming the dunk for ruining basketball, very good champagne, dogs as Man’s best friend, the speed limit, deodorant, Roberto Clemente being the most dominant athlete I ever saw, stretching, the shortest way home is not always the longest way around, avoiding suspect hor d’oeuvres, the blues, turning off lights, good and bad bounces, ignoring celebrities, a vanity license plate honoring Tom Kite and Ben Crenshaw’s back-to-back Ryder Cup captaincies, fluoridation, a free Tibet, clean air and water, removing parents from youth sports, cell phones increasing the likelihood of car accidents, free Smart Carts at all airports, abolishing the designated hitter, the cream rising to the top, several minor superstitions, spay and neutering, the fallibility of statistics, calling the airline before leaving, keeping in touch, breakfast, Old Tom Morris’s epitaph: “Modest in victory, generous in defeat” and Nelson Algren’s suggestions:  Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.”
 
Jim Apfelbaum
February 2, 2008